Blessed

I am overwhelmed by the number of people who have truly blessed me during this difficult time of losing my grandmother. I am especially grateful of the calls from people who live in different states that wanted to give me love and support. My old roommate, Janna called as well as Andy from MABTS, Dave from Mobile, and Sean who was in my Anchor group here in Louisiana but now lives in Ft Worth Tx. People here have also been amazing. My pastor really blessed me by letting me know he was praying for me and gave me Scripture to meditate on. God has really shown me how wonderful it is to not only know my pastoral leadership but really form strong relationships with them. Prayer is vital for these men and women to not only combat Satan daily and follow Christ but also to lead others to Christ and lead others in following Christ. I could have never imagined being able to work with such an amazing team such as these. For this reason and many others I consider myself truly blessed

Heaven bound

My grandmother is now in heaven beholding the awesome glory of Christ. She died January 9, 2007. While this is hard for me-she was more of my mother because she raised me and was always there for me whether it be just to talk or give me financial help-I am content knowing that she is where she wanted to be, with her Savior. I know that she is walking on streets of gold and talking with Jesus because of her commitment to Christ. I also have peace knowing that one day I will be with her forever where there will be no pain, tears, or sorrow. Thank you Jesus for Your blood that makes it possible.

Sunday Sermon

This Sunday, the youth minister, Lyndale preached on Inform, Connect, Build, and Serve. The two things that really impacted me were: "Life gets full, but rarely gets fulfilling." Wow! How true is that of myself. I try to stay busy to trick myself into believing that life is great. Jesus wanted us to have a fulfilling life not a full/busy life (John 10:10). The other cool thing was something I've heard friends of mine say also: "I am most like Christ when I serve other people." It was a great sermon.

Helpless

Every day I go and visit my grandmother in the hospital. Because of the stroke, she is unable to speak. She was the one family member I could just talk to. Almost every morning we would have coffee and just visit. Now, as she is just lying there in that bed, I just want to talk to her. I feel so helpless in this situation. There is nothing I can do to help her. Though I pray multiple times in the day, I still want to physically do something. I figure it is my fallen nature that tells me that in order to "deal" with this I have to "do" something about it. The truth is there is absolutely nothing I can do. The ironic part is all of my friends and church family, who have been so loving and supportive, also want to do something to help me through this. The only thing is that what I need is not something just anyone can do. Because all I really need is just to be held.

Overly concerned

Last Thursday started out as a normal day for me. I took a shower then spent some time in the Word and prayer. Then, I went over to my grandparents' house (which is only a couple of feet from where I live) to have coffee and spend time with them. When I walked through the back door, I saw my grandmother lying on the floor. I immediately went to her to help her. She was conscious but not responsive. She is a diabetic so I thought her blood sugar was low. I went to my grandfather's room (he was still sleeping) and told him about my grandmother. We got her up and took her to her bedroom. He went and got some sugar to give her and I tested her blood. It was 127 which is good so I knew it was not a blood sugar problem. I called her daughters (my mom and aunt) and told them to come to her house immediately. I thought she was having a stroke so I dialed 911. My mom and aunt tried to talk to her but still no response. The emergency team got there and started working. I had to answer lots of questions (mostly the same questions to different people). They got her in the ambulance and took her to the hospital. My grandfather went in the ambulance with her while my mom, aunt, and I followed. Once she got to the hospital they did tests. She did have a stroke that caused a blood vessel to burst resulting in bleeding on the left side of her brain which caused her right side to be paralyzed. She was transferred to Lafayette General to see the neuro-surgeon. He did not operate considering the location of the hemorrhage. She is still in ICU and is slightly improving. I'll update as I know. For those of you who read this please pray for healing for her and comfort for my family. Thanks

Amazed

I was reading in John 17 this morning and this verse just struck me: verse 20 I pray for those who will believe in me (Joslynn's translation). Wow, Jesus was about to be arrested, beaten, mocked, and killed. But, in the midst of all that He prayed for me. It is a humbling thought to know that Jesus was not focused on Himself during this time but all of His followers and friends. What a great example of how we should pray and live our lives.

Great Expectations

I am always amazed at how much God knows me and knows what I need even when I don't know what I need. I recently became a youth intern at my church East Bayou. Now, I am ridiculously scared out of my mind because I know I am going to screw up royally-I always do, its my trade mark. But, I am also really excited because of the awesome people I get to help me clean up the mess I made. I sat in awe in our meeting today at how connected we all were yet our team is relatively new. Court is the incredible support person who is going to always listen to my rants (and there will be many, just ask my anchor group) and gently rebuke me but it won't even seem like a rebuke. Then there is Chris, who will tell everything that went wrong, how it should have gone, and how to fix it. (Every team needs one of these people) And then there is the go to, has all the info, cry on my shoulder person-that would be Justin. And then there me. The one who has all this knowledge yet knows nothing cause she's too stubborn and head strong. And the glue to our team is our fearless leader, Lyndale. He's the whole package-a visionary with the skills and drive to lead and get the job done. He is the essential leader who empowers others and teaches them to be great leaders.
Now, to what I first said. God put me in the midst of these amazing people to teach me and stretch me in incredible ways. I have already learned so much and I just started. I am really excited about the refining process that will take place over the course of this year. And the icing on the cake is the staff. They are so fun. I was around them this morning in the room known as "Sin City" where all kinds of goodies are awaiting our consumption. They were goofing off and laughing and just having a great time. Also, everyday I am gaining a better appreciation and love for my pastor. I am really enjoy him and I am excited about getting to know him better. This promises to be a challenging but great year!

Big Decision

I have made a big decision in my life. I have decided to continue my education by pursuing a Master's Degree in Marriage and Family Counseling. This decision has taken two years and some very interesting turns in my life to be made. Now, the only question is where do I go for this degree. If any one has any suggestions, please let me know. Also, if there is a place that I should avoid like the plague, let me that too.

Do I see what you see (revised)

Recently, a family member of mine called me selfish, inconsiderate, brat, and undependable. Now, I admit that I probably have been and can be all of these things at times, after all I have a sin nature. However, in order to help out this family member, I worked an eight hour day (missed my first day in my "office"), drove three hours, slept four hours then drove another three hours with her offspring so I could take care of the offspring for her. Now, I'm trying really hard not to sound like I'm complaining cause I don't want to complain. I just don't understand. I know I should not care what she says or let it affect me. On one hand people tell me that I am kind and loving. But then she tells me that I am not kind or considerate but that I let everyone down because I refuse to help them out. And they wonder why I question myself. Well, here's why! The person who should know me best says these things about me. Its no wonder I'm confused and hard on myself. Don't misunderstand this to be putting her down, that is not my intention. She had every right to call me those things because she believes them to be true because I chose a commitment over her need. So, my thought is this: do I believe the person who tells me I have a good heart and care about people or do I believe a family member who tells me I have my priorities messed up and I am selfish? For those of you who know me, please clue me in.

Thought for the day

John 14:15
"If you love Me, you will keep my commandments."
Love equals obedience. If I love someone, I will do what he/she asks of me. If I love God I will do what He tells me. Yet, so many times I do not do what He tells me. Why is this simple truth so hard to grasp and use in practical life?

Personal Revival Day 4

This day really hit me because it is so true of me so many times. Here is what the authors say: "God wants us to love Him first and foremost. When we find ourselves trusting in people instead of the Lord, this indicates that our heart's focus has shifted from Him (Jer 17:5). Love for people- friends, family members, or even ourselves-can compete with our love for Him (Matt 10:37). Other substitutes for a God-centered love relationship may include money, pleasure, friends, work, ritual in worship, the teaching of respected leaders, or Bible knowledge without a relationship with Christ. Revival does not begin when a struggling, wayward person decides to return to the Lord but rather when the loving heavenly Father, wanting His people to enjoy the safety and security of His love, calls him or her back to Himself. God is the initiator; the call to revival ia a plea of love from the heart of God."
Have you transferred your love for God to some other place? What are some things that may compete with your love for Him?

Personal Revival Day 3

Parents who really love their children will discipline them if needed. God loves us so much more than parents can so He must also discipline us. Hosea 11 & 14 describe the process Israel had to endure in order to return to God. In my own life, God had to (and is continuing to do) discipline me and strip me down until there is nothing left of me. Then He comes and fills me with Himself. I have to admit that it is painful and hard but it is good at the same time. Does God need to bring you through the refining process in order to reveal Himself more through you?

Personal Revival Day 2

For those who are familiar with clay, you know it is very hard to till, especially here in Louisiana. Our hearts can become like hard ground, where nothing affects us anymore. Hosea warned us that we must break our hard hearts and return to God. (Hosea 10:12-13) So the question is "What do you think it means to break up your fallow ground?"

Personal Revival day 1

I used to think that I was a good person. Then I read this book/study. I never thought I needed revival because I knew alot about the Bible, Jesus, and faith. Wow! After reading and studying, I got a major wake-up call. I realized how wicked my heart truly is. This passage really showed me that I do need revival in my life and not just when a crusade comes but everyday I wake up.

Will you not revive us again,

that your people may rejoice in You?

Show us Your steadfast love, O Lord,

and grant us your salvation.

Let me hear what God the Lord will speak,

for HE will speak peace to His people, to His saints,

but let them not turn back to folly.

Surely His salvation is near to those who fear Him,

that glory may dwell in our land. (Psalm 85:6-9)

So the question is who needs revival?

Seeking Him

My Anchor (Bible Study) group decided we would study a book entitled Seeking Him by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Tim Grissom. I thought this would be a great blog opprtunity. So, everyday I will share my personal thoughts on the study and post a question I hope everyone who reads these blogs will answer (especially former group members...hint, hint, hint). Therefore, I humbly ask if you by chance read these blogs, please enlightenen me with your wisdom and knowledge concerning the questions by commenting on them.

Oh the lies...

A friend told me that I had trouble believing lies. I had no idea how right he was until I read Lies Women Believe. This book is packed full of wisdom and truth. Here are some of the major points that really impacted me:
"The Truth is God is far more interested in our holiness than our immediate, temporal happiness...
True joy is not the absence of pain but the sanctifying, sustaining presence of the Lord Jesus in the midst of pain.
if we are not content within our present circumstances, we are not likely to be happy in any other set of circumstances
our circumstances do not makes us what we are. They merely reveal what we are.
Long before you were born, every molecule of your body and every day of your life from conception to the grave was carefully thought through and planned by God
We don't have to let our feelings run our lives
The primary purpose of marriage is not to be happy but to glorify God and reflect His redeeming covenant love
contentment is not found in having everything we think we want but in choosing to be satisfied with what God has already provided
That independent self-sufficient spirit is an expression of pride
The way to see the Truth about sin is to see it in the light of who God is
We must learn to accept those longings, surrender them to God, and look to Him to meet the deepest needs of our hearts
the deepest longings of our hearts cannot be filled by any created person or thing
the outward appearance of the Christian woman is to reflect a heart that is simple, pure, and well-ordered
What is condemned...Tending to physical matters while neglecting matters of the heart
we do not hate ourselves, nor do we need to learn to love ourselves. We need to learn to deny ourselves... We do not have low self-esteem rather a low view of God
Some of us have lived all our lives in an emotional prison because we have accepted what a false "broken"mirror said to us about ourselves
do we truly believe God is enough or are we looking to other things and people to fill the empty places of our hearts
we trust what we feel to be true rather than what we know to be true
beliefs produce behavior
what we read or hear may sound right, may feel right, may seem right-but if it is contrary to the Word of God, it is not right"

This book was like a slap in the face. I needed to hear it but it was painful. I realized so many lies I believed and that I knew the truth, I just chose to believe the lie. I encourage all women to read this book. It is so good and deep. I know God really opened my eyes and my heart and I'll never be the same. My entire thought process about my emotions, self-image, and views of marriage are radically changed.

Sin

In my quest to be a godly woman, I am reading a book titled Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Here is a cool list I thought I'd share
"-Sin steals joy (Psalm 51:12)
-Sin removes confidence (1 John 3:19-21)
-Sin brings guilt (Psalm 51:3)
-Sin gives Satan the upper hand (2 Corinthians 2:9-11)
-Sin quenches God's Spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:19)
-Sin brings physical damage (Psalms 38:1-11; 31:10)
-Sin causes an ache in the soul (Psalm 32:3-4)
-Sin breaks God's heart (Ephesians 4:30)
-Sin opens the door to other sins (Isaiah 30:1)
-Sin breaks fellowship with God (Isaiah 59:1-2)
-Sin produces fear (Proverbs 28:1)
-Sin makes me its slave (John 8:34; Romans 6:16)

Deeply Concerned

I am deeply concerned for my family today. My grandmother is going to have tests on her brain today. Her mother had Alzheimer's disease so it runs in the family. I did not get the opportunity to know my great-grandmother because of it. Now, my grandmother is showing signs of having the disease. Lately, she cannot talk. She tries but cannot think of words or forgets as she is talking. Also, her short term memory is slightly impaired. I will tell her something and 30 minutes later she does not remember having a conversation with me. My grandmother kinda raised me. She has always been my emotional support as well as physical. I'm scared that she will slowly not recognize or my family especially not even her only great granddaughter. I question my strength and ability to cope with this situation. I want to believe that it is only grief since she lost her son 4 months ago to AIDS. All I know is today might change life for my family.

Quotes

Here are some great quotes from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers that have really impacted me over the last few days:

"He can do nothing for us if we think we are sufficient of ourselves, we have to enter into His Kingdom through the door of destitution."

"The kind of religious life we see abroad to-day is entirely different from the robust holiness of the life of Jesus Christ."

"Cut yourself off from prying personal interest in your own spiritual symptoms and consider bare-spirited the tragedy of God, and instantly the energy of God will be in you."

"Re-state to yourself what you believe, then do away with as much of it as possible, and get back to the bedrock of the Cross of Christ."

"The danger is lest no longer relying on God you ignore the lifting up of your eyes to Him. Only when God brings you to a sudden halt, will you realize how you have been losing out. Whenever there is a leakage, remedy it immediately. Recognize that something has been coming between you and God, and get it readjusted at once. "

Bittersweet

I love it when people speak truth into my life. But then that means that I have been believing a lie. It's bittersweet.