Music Junkie

Hi. My name is Joslynn and I am addicted to music. While talking to my cousin over Christmas about my need for a bigger iPod (cause my nano is full), I discovered I am a music junkie. She asked me why I needed more music and I replied that I just did because I was addicted to music. Seriously, going into iTunes and browsing through music and making that glorious purchase is my drug of choice. There is a certain joy I feel getting new music or listening to an old album/song that I have not heard in a long time. I spend more of my life listening to music than anything else. Even when I am sleeping there is music playing. I would rather listen to music than watch TV. The only place I do not listen to music is work and then I usually try and fit it in there. At HBCS, there was always music playing in my classroom. My new favorite website is Pandora because I get to listen to new artist and feed my obsession. Most of my friends know of my addiction because whenever we have a conversation, I always have a song to relate to the topic no matter what it is. Most of my friends ask who the artist is playing and I usually know the answer. It is kinda sad at times. But I must say this, if I'm going to be addicted to something it might as well be as diverse and fun as music.

LC here I come...again

OK. I know I previously posted that I would be attending ULL . However, God has revealed my sin to me(just joking) . I recently took a trip to good ol' Pineville to get my ACT scores to enter ULL. While I was there, I visited with people and decided to compare programs. So, I went to the Education Department and spoke with the advisor for their Alternative Certification Program. I was very impressed and decided that their program would be better suited for my needs (and I just overall prefer LC). So this summer I will take some intensive course work and bask in the glory that is my beloved Alma Mater.

Knee Injury

As previously posted, I had a knee injury over the summer. Here are some pics: My knee with 4 stitches.

I took my stitches out myself.

This is now the pretty scar I have.

I never thought I would say this, but...

I will be attending ULL . I will enroll in their Alternative Certification Program for Teachers. I will, however, attempt to wear a LC shirt for every class. Keep myself rooted and remind myself that I am a WILDCAT first and forever. Go Orange and Blue

Camp Highlights

I am almost totally recovered from the 2 camps I attended this summer.

360 Camp
-The bus ride is always awesome. I walked up and down the aisle talking to people and handing out food
-SOTO was as beautiful as I remembered it. I love the mountains even if they are small!
-Our small group consisted of guys and girls so that provided an interesting dynamic. My co-leaders were Lisa Dupree and Ian Brou. We made an awesome team! I love getting to know the students and see them open up as the week progresses. It brings such joy to my heart.
-Late nights were great. I failed on the leader challenge because I cannot bowl to save my life (or win the challenge...there is always next year) Our Tacky Prom was the best. It was so much better than my Senior Prom. I loved all of the crazy outfits everyone had. For me, it was a relief to not care about what we were wearing and just had fun looking silly and being crazy. That is what camp is all about.
-I got a closer look at grace while at camp; all the love and help given to me really humbled me and I truly felt the compassion from everyone.
-While at camp, I jumped off a rock and hit another rock with my knee. It was gashed open so I had to go to the ER and get stitches. I also could not put pressure on it so I had to get help to walk and other fun stuff. Everyone was willing and ready to help which I appreciated so much. (I finally took my stitches out.)
-Chris Brooks ROCKS! 'nuf said.
-The band was awesome this year.
Basically, camp was amazing.

Super Summer
-Afshin Zeafat was cool. His testimony was so inspiring. He is a converted Muslim.
-Rec was good, but I could not participate because of my knee. However, seeing everyone get all colored up and shouting cheers while running around was cool.
-I enjoyed the teaching sessions and family group times.
-My family group got a slow start but by the end if the week, we were all pretty close
-My partner was interesting.
-I was grateful to have people there who could help me with my knee situation; I say that because some tried to help and failed by dropping me and causing further injury, but it was all good.
-Overall, Super Summer was a great experience and I would love to return.

HBCS

The HBCS chapter of my life is now over. I started working at HBCS last August. I was quite nervous being a PE teacher. I felt very inadequate and overwhelmed in the beginning. As I got to know my students and the atmosphere of the school, I became more comfortable. I grew to love all of my students (even the ones that were horrible at times) and the staff here. Though the atmosphere was not quite like EBBC (no place will be), it was very encouraging and reassuring. I learned so much about myself and what my abilities are not. Only by the grace and strength of Christ did I manage to survive this year. My time here was not bad but it challenged me in every aspect of my life. I have to admit that I am very sad to leave but I do not regret my decision to step down and give someone else my job; especially because I know this person is much more capable and knowledgeable regarding this subject. The path before me is unknown because I do not have another job lined up. This much I know; God is faithful and He will honor my sacrifice and provide. My prayer is to find something where my passions and desires match my gifts and abilities. It was fun being an HBCS Bear. Now I'm off to my next destination in this journey I call life.

My second "25th" birthday

Ok. So I actually just turned 26 on March 16, 2008. I dreaded this day for a week leading up to my actual birthday. For some reason, I just didn't want to be another year older. I told everyone not to make a big deal and treat it like it was just another ordinary day. Well, they didn't listen. And I'm quite grateful because it turned out to be an awesome day(weekend). On Friday night, Toyia and Robert came to my house to eat pizza and watch "Camp Nowhere". Great movie. Saturday was Girls Night Out with Michelle, Amy, and Toyia. We went to Pimon Thai then to Maggie Moos for ice cream. We met up with a friend, Brian (who was actually also at Pimon Thai-weird). We met his friends Thor and his wife (can't remember her name). Brian invited us to his house to play Rock Hero. I sang once-I can't sing. Then I proceeded to play the drums. I have a greater appreciation for drummers because it was HARD and I played the easy level. I would get the beat down but my timing seemed to be off. Oh well, it was a blast. On Sunday, my actual birthday, Lindsey, Megan, and Luke told me they were taking me out to lunch. Robert also said the he was taking my out to lunch but it wouldn't be until 1:30. So, I spent from 12:30 to 1:30 with the students and from 1:30-3:15 with some of my old anchor group-Michelle, Amy, Artie, and Robert. [BTW thanks Jason for the card. Hope life is good in Florida.] I have accepted that I'm now 26. Hopefully with my age will come a little more wisdom and a whole lot more fun. A huge thank you to EVERYONE who made my birthday special. It was only great because you were there to share it with.

Self Realization

I had one of those moments this weekend where you know something in your head but then it penetrates your heart. It was a moment of self realization about exactly who I am. People always say "Trust your heart", "Do what you feel is right", or " You're a good person". NO I'M NOT! Jeremiah 17:9 says "The heart is more deceitful than all else; And is desperately wicked; Who can understand it?" I have a deceitful and wicked heart. It leads me astray and causes me to do things I know are wrong. I self-destruct when people hurt me and then I leave a path of destruction behind me like a tornado. I do and say things to hurt those I love; and then I close myself off and keep people at arm's length so that I do not become vulnerable again. That is who I am. However, I take comfort in the other verse in this passage: (verse 10)"I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give to each man according to his ways, According to the results of his deeds." The beauty in this verse is that while I may have a wicked heart, God knows it and loves me regardless. He also knows that when I was 13 I gave my heart to Christ and He has changed me. Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me."

Forgivenesss

I had a conversation last night with one of my students on forgiveness. Then, this morning on my way to school, this song came on. It reinforced everything said last night so I thought I would share it. The name is There's Only Forgiveness by John Reuben. It is very powerful and so very true.

Now it’s in my head cuz they’re one step ahead
It’s under my skin cuz it’s a little too thin
And it’s in my heart just to tear me apart
Now you’re feeding off the aggression
Misery loves company and twisted forms of affection
Meet the human heart where hostility lives
Sometimes revenge feels so good that I don’t want to forgive
And oh no thus the cycle continues
It’s an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth
Til they’re all loose and you’re bitter blind and numb
You bark but can’t bite because you’re all gums
And is justice ever done are you ever satisfied
Was it about justification or about pride
Stay away from the truth it might teach you things you don’t like
My insecurity is out to prove that I’m right

(chorus)
I don’t want your apologies
I don’t want restitution
I want to hear you’re wrong but I don’t want resolutions
I want justice but I don’t care for peace
I don’t want to be bound but I don’t choose to be free
I want for you what I feel inside of me
And as soon as I know what that is I’ll share willingly

It seems like it should be simpler
But the human condition runs from wisdom
And we’re not as bright as we give ourselves credit
We repeat the same mistakes before we can regret it
I tried to let it go but it held me in place
There’s something better but I don’t like the taste
Bitterness is easier to swallow than the sting of grace
Memories can be neglected but impossible to erase
They reappear in different ways
And most of the time we’re not even sure of what it is that we hate
We just follow our feelings into an unhealthy state of being with no plans of leaving

(chorus)

If I let this go then it’s all in the past
And if I hold onto it I still have something to grasp
What would we do if we had nothing to fight about
Out of the abundance out our hearts we run our mouths
And tear each other apart and inflict pain and grief
Humanity wouldn’t know what to do if we had world peace
So you can take the sign in your front lawn down it’s a nice gesture
But mankind likes to go to our war it’s in our fallen nature
Neighbors nations corporations races insecurity and hurt works well with retaliation
But don’t worry it will be your turn soon
So plot your revenge as you clean your knife wound
And 'I forgive you' is not an option
It’s too uncomfortable
It’s much easier to be miserable than vulnerable
You can save that for the weak and the religious
But there is no justice or no peace, there’s only forgiveness

Movie Quote

I was watching the movie Extreme Days with my classes and was reminded of what I think is one of the funniest movie quotes:

Jessie "I need $2,000, a new engine, or a miracle."
Brian "Maybe I'm your miracle."
Jessie rolls eyes and walks away.

Just a rant

Sometimes I hate being an adult. I hate being responsible, level-headed, clear thinking, and objective. I hate being a parent to my parent. I hate being dependable. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs "IT'S NOT FAIR!" But, was it fair for Job to lose all of his family, possessions, and health. Was it fair that Jesus had to die for my failures and sins. Life is not fair. Or is it? I want to run away but there is no where to run. I just need a hug but there is no one to hug. I just want to cry but I have no more tears. I am afraid that I am slowly becoming...

numb.

The Flame in All of Us

Thousand Foot Krutch came out with a new CD titled The Flame in All of Us. It is GREAT! There is one verse in the song "Favorite Disease" that goes..."sometimes I feel like a monster" that pierced my heart because of how true it is in my life. With my thoughts, words and actions I feel like I'm this monster that wrecks destruction and fear wherever I go. However, the song "My Own Enemy" was written just for me. This truly could be my new theme song. Here are the lyrics:

(Intro Scat: Hold up, oh no, who let them in the door,It’s like a freak show, shake it a like a photo)
Hate, is only what you say, not what you mean,
And Pain, is what’s inside of me, not when you’re bleeding,
I will fall, I’ll fall, and take your breathe away,
We, could change it all, and take your breathe away
This anger changes me, it effects the way I see,
Effects every part of me, and makes you my enemy
But when it falls apart, it’s like a brand new start,
And I can’t remember why, I ripped everything apart
I’m still my worst enemy,
The world around me all can see what they want to see,
I need some help, because I’m still my worst enemy,
No matter where I am, I’ll still get the best of me,
I’m my own enemy
Shake, the world inside of me, until it can’t be shaken,
Wake, the words inside of me, before it’s all too late..
(’cause)I will fall, I’ll fall, and take your breathe away,
We will change, it all, and take your breathe away
This anger changes me, it effects the way I see,
Effects every part of me, and makes you my enemy
But when it falls apart, it’s like a brand new start,
And I can’t remember why, I ripped everything apart
I’m still my worst enemy,
The world around me all can see what they want to see,
I need some help, because I’m still my worst enemy,
No matter where I am, I’ll still get the best of me,
I’m my own enemy (x2)
My own enemy, ……my own enemy

Seeking

I went to a retreat this past weekend in Baton Rouge. It was good. My mentor, Charity, was a speaker. The theme was A Heart for God focusing on revival. They talked about brokenness, holiness, and purity. I then went to Mobile, AL to spend time with Charity and her family. I went to their church on Sunday and was moved by the message. He spoke on seeking. His text was Jer. 29:13. His points were:
Seek God's face
Seek God's favor
Seek God's fellowship
Seek God's faithfulness
I actually cried because I was so convicted of how often I do not actually seek the Lord, instead I just dump my problems onto Him and never consider what He might have for me or why I am going through this. I am so unworthy of His grace and mercy. Thank you for the cross.

Highlights from 360 Camp

These are the funny moments from camp this week:
Justin running into a trash can full of water and dumping it over
Tim tipping over canoes on the Buffalo River during our float trip
Morgan blowing in Ian's ear then Ian sitting on him
Luke sitting on Ian's lap
me picking Buddy's nose
all the adults in their 70's costumes (esp Tim)
the students who actually dressed up
Paul and Suzi stuffing marshmallows in their mouths and trying to say "Chubby Bunny"
Paul and Cheryl with pantyhose on their heads (Paul was named the Ultimate Youth Worker)
playing musical chairs and getting sat on
watching everyone play the 'Price is Right'
CHRIS BROOKS

My Unexpected Blessing

So, today I received a cool surprise. My grandfather decided to GIVE me my grandmother's car. Originally, he was going to sell it to me and the profit was to be split between him and his daughters. They said they would donate their half to me so I would only have to pay him half. I told him of their generous offer and he said he too would donate the car to me. So God has took my stupidity and blessed me again. I don't know why He does these things.

Total Loss

The insurance company called and said that my car was a total loss. The positive side is that I no longer have to pay for it and I never really loved it in the first place. My dad wants me to buy my grandmother's Pontiac Vibe but I haven't decided on a course of action just yet.

The Brighter Side

I have my moments of stupidity pretty often in life; but this one takes the cake. I was going home after a meeting for Market Place and the main road I drive was closed because of high water. Well, since I know the back road well (or so I thought) I decided it would be a good detour. There was a lot of water on the road but it looked shallow so I kept driving through the water. So, all of a sudden, the water got very deep and my car stalled. Then the water started rising in my car. My first thought was "This is NOT good!" I tried to call my dad but he didn't answer; so I called my uncle who lived down the road. I also called for a tow truck. Then I noticed in my mirror 6 people walking to my car. They asked me if I was OK then proceeded to PUSH (yes PUSH) my car out of the water. They pushed it a mile (give or take) down the road. I was completely embarrassed but also very grateful. As it turns out, they were Catholic missionaries on their way to India to do mission work. After the whole ordeal, we all prayed together. They were some of the most Spirit-filled people I have ever met. God totally reached down and embraced me and my foolish decision to drive in the water. A careless decision turned into truly a miraculous adventure. I am reminded that life will always have its valleys but God promised He would walk me through it. BTW I saw the most beautiful rainbow as I left work and praised God for it. I am thankful because now I see that God prepared my heart with that rainbow to praise Him in what would be a unfortunate circumstance.

Which choice would you make

Some familiar that may not be the greatest...or
A big risk that may not work out like you planned

Birthday Bliss

Though I did not want to turn 25 this past Friday (March 16, 2007), I did have a wonderful birthday. Friday night, I went to dinner at Lafayette's with five amazingly wonderful people( two of them were my fellow intern and his awesome wife). I had a blast, and I ate craw fish. Life could not get much better. Then I went a friend's apartment with others and we played a mean game of Phase 10 and enjoyed snoballs. It was magical (Robert won...of course). Then next night I had dinner with my parents. Sunday I had lunch with friends at Zeus' Cafe. All around, it was a great birthday weekend. Too bad some people could not share with me...you missed out (jj).

The Flu

This post is late coming thanks to losing it once. I finally decided to re-post it.
I have finally recovered from the (physically) sickest I have ever been in my life. I went to Arkansas over Mardi Gras break with our (EBBC) high school students. We were supposed to take a charter bus to Harriet, AR for a three day retreat. Well, there were no buses so we drove 10 hours to AR and back. I was privileged to drive a suburban. I had 6 HS boys with me. It was interesting to say the least. Well, I had not been sleeping well and I worked with snotty nose preschoolers the Friday before we left. (We left on Sunday after church) So, Sunday night as we arrived in Ar, I began to feel drained from the drive and everything else. Monday morning I woke up and bang it hit me-coughing, running nose, body aches, sneezing. I was disheartened. During the day, I fell OK but not horribly bad. After all the activities of the day, I began feeling weak and really tired. The worst part was the fever I could feel myself getting. A sane person would have called it quits and gone to bed, but we all know that I am no where near sane. So I went into the woods for a scavenger hunt when I knew I needed to be resting. Well, after it was all said and done I felt like I was going to die. I was told to go to bed even though I needed to stay up with the girls. The next morning I woke up feeling worse. The drive back to LA was good. I actually started to feel better. The next day, Wednesday, I went to church exhausted and half dead. I went home and spent the next three days drinking NyQuil and DayQuil. I emerged from my haven feeling better but "blessed" with five fever blisters. Not my idea of fun. So, my symptoms and fever blisters are gone for the most part and I lived through this experience with one tidbit of truth: I hate the flu.