Sin

In my quest to be a godly woman, I am reading a book titled Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Here is a cool list I thought I'd share
"-Sin steals joy (Psalm 51:12)
-Sin removes confidence (1 John 3:19-21)
-Sin brings guilt (Psalm 51:3)
-Sin gives Satan the upper hand (2 Corinthians 2:9-11)
-Sin quenches God's Spirit (1 Thessalonians 5:19)
-Sin brings physical damage (Psalms 38:1-11; 31:10)
-Sin causes an ache in the soul (Psalm 32:3-4)
-Sin breaks God's heart (Ephesians 4:30)
-Sin opens the door to other sins (Isaiah 30:1)
-Sin breaks fellowship with God (Isaiah 59:1-2)
-Sin produces fear (Proverbs 28:1)
-Sin makes me its slave (John 8:34; Romans 6:16)

Deeply Concerned

I am deeply concerned for my family today. My grandmother is going to have tests on her brain today. Her mother had Alzheimer's disease so it runs in the family. I did not get the opportunity to know my great-grandmother because of it. Now, my grandmother is showing signs of having the disease. Lately, she cannot talk. She tries but cannot think of words or forgets as she is talking. Also, her short term memory is slightly impaired. I will tell her something and 30 minutes later she does not remember having a conversation with me. My grandmother kinda raised me. She has always been my emotional support as well as physical. I'm scared that she will slowly not recognize or my family especially not even her only great granddaughter. I question my strength and ability to cope with this situation. I want to believe that it is only grief since she lost her son 4 months ago to AIDS. All I know is today might change life for my family.

Quotes

Here are some great quotes from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers that have really impacted me over the last few days:

"He can do nothing for us if we think we are sufficient of ourselves, we have to enter into His Kingdom through the door of destitution."

"The kind of religious life we see abroad to-day is entirely different from the robust holiness of the life of Jesus Christ."

"Cut yourself off from prying personal interest in your own spiritual symptoms and consider bare-spirited the tragedy of God, and instantly the energy of God will be in you."

"Re-state to yourself what you believe, then do away with as much of it as possible, and get back to the bedrock of the Cross of Christ."

"The danger is lest no longer relying on God you ignore the lifting up of your eyes to Him. Only when God brings you to a sudden halt, will you realize how you have been losing out. Whenever there is a leakage, remedy it immediately. Recognize that something has been coming between you and God, and get it readjusted at once. "

Bittersweet

I love it when people speak truth into my life. But then that means that I have been believing a lie. It's bittersweet.

Helpfulness

A friend recently taught me this lesson (though he doesn't know he did). While praying and crying one night I wrote these thoughts in a journal about my needing to feel helpful and when does it go too far. What do I do when my help isn't wanted? Do I stand aside or do things the way I want to? Does my instance on helping mean that I am more of a hinderance than a helper? Why do I go so far in that I will do what I want despite the thoughts and feelings of the other person? Do I even consider the feelings of others when I insist on doing things my own way? Do I give others the opportunity to be helpful or do I push them aside? So many times I just jump in and get the job done. I'm used of the "if I don't get it done then it won't get done" mentality because that has been so true in my life. I think I'm too independent and focused on self-sufficiency. I am my own destructive force. I hurt myself more than others so they can't hurt me. By not allowing others to hurt me, I in turn hurt them by keeping them at a distance. My need to keep people at arm's length leaves me lonely and left out. I have to wonder what is the motivation behind my wanting to help others. Is is genuine concern or selfish ambition? I realized that I can't fix myself and so I don't want anyone else to try and fix me. I'm coming to the realization that I am completely helpless. I'm dying a painful death.

The Last Night

Skillet just came out with their new cd Comatose. It's awesome. There is this one song that reminds me that God heals our emotional scars and hurts just like the physical. I deal with my emotional scars daily and this song really showed me that I believe lies but one lie I refuse to believe is that I'm alone. Anyone struggling with loneliness or emotional hurts should really listen to this cd. God is all over it.

You come to me with your scars on your wrist
you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn’t want you to see me cry, I’m fine
But I know it’s a lie
Chorus:
This is the last night you’ll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I’m everywhere you want me to be
The last night you’ll spend alone
I’ll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I’m everything You need me to be
Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don’t know you like I know you they don't know you at all
I’m so sick of when they say
It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine
But I know it's a lie
Bridge:
The night is so long when everything’s wrong
If you give me a chance
I will help you hold on
tonight
tonight
I won’t let you say goodbye
And I’ll be your reason why
the last night away from me
away from me

Blasphemy

I was reading in the Gospel of John this morning, chapter 8. When I got to verse 58, Jesus tells the Pharisees (religious leaders in Jesus' day) that He is I AM. Now, to Jews this is a powerful statement. When Moses encountered the burning bush and asked God what His name was, God replied "I AM". (Exodus 3) So when Jesus said He was I AM to the Pharisees, He was claiming to be God. The Pharisees considered this blasphemy and attempted to stone Jesus. The irony is this: Jesus is God; so the Pharisees actually tried to kill the God they claimed they served. Talk about blasphemy. Which makes me wonder if I have ever been like the Pharisees and didn't recognize Jesus or one of His precious children but instead judged them. The beginning of ch 8 talks about the woman caught in adultery and how people wanted to stone her and tried to trick Jesus. But His reply was " Let he who has no sin cast the first stone". Needless to say no one could stone her. Then Jesus looked at her and told her that He did not condemn but had forgiven her and to go and sin no more. How powerful and profound. Such grace and forgiveness. I have been given the same grace and forgiveness. I am so unworthy and have no grounds on which to judge. Wow!

Running

In the movie, Forrest Gump, Forrest (played by Tom Hanks) finds himself running. He runs and he runs and he runs. Then he decides to stop, turn around, and go home. Well, I feel like Forrest. Just running and running. I have a decision to make: do I stop or keep running. I wonder how Forrest made his decion to stop?

Chicken Thief

Sunday I had a full day. Church, Adia's birthday party (my niece), knitting, and dinner at Chili's. Upon returning home that night, I decided marinate some chicken for a dinner I was cooking for friends. So, I got everything out and then went to the fridge for the chicken breasts I had in there. I reached for the chicken. But wait. Something is wrong. The chicken...is...GONE! I look and look but no chicken. Someone has stolen my chicken. I almost started to cry. But then I remembered earlier that day I also noticed my potatoes were missing. The culprit was my sister who thought her husband them for the party. So I thought sheath also taken my chicken. I got mad. I went on a search for my chicken. After an exhausting search (walking across my yard) I found my grandmother and interrogated her. Actually I just asked her if she knew anything about my chicken. As it turned out, my grandfather went to my fridge looking for something and saw the chicken. He thought they were for the gumbo being cooked. So my chicken woundup in gumbo. The mystery of my stolen chicken had been solved. And lucky for me my grandparents bought me more chicken. Yeah for grandparents!

Answers I Need

Questions I wish I knew the Answers to: (these questions came to me while I was being bored out of my mind filling in for my sister)

How can you get it so wrong when you think you've gotten it so right?

How many times can you fail before you're a failure?

Why does the thing you want the most cause you the most pain?

Why do you always want what you cannot have and yet never appreciate what you have right there in front of you?

If any one knows the answers, please inform me.

Moody

Faith is not about moods. My mood should not determine my faith and neither should feelings. I find it amazing how my head can know so much but still not affect my actions. So, lately I have been letting my stupid girl emotions and moods determine the depth (or lack there of) in my relationship with Christ. My mood has been apathy. I just don't care about things that I should have a burning passion for, like telling people about the love of Christ and His gift of salvation. Instead I go on some meaningless rant about some theological issue that has no important value to anyone I'm talking to. So, instead of sharing God's love I usually exhaust myself as well as whoever is around me. And then I get upset because of my rant. So my downward spiral continues. All of that to say I need to change my mood to one of kindness, love, and compassion. Now, if I can just figure out how to do that.

Oswald Chambers

This is an excerpt from My Utmost for His Highest that really challenged me


Faith And Experience
“The Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me.”Galatians 2:20
We have to battle through our moods into absolute devotion to the Lord Jesus, to get out of the hole-and-corner business of our experience into abandoned devotion to Him. Think Who the New Testament says that Jesus Christ is, and then think of the despicable meanness of the miserable faith we have - I haven't had this and that experience! Think what faith in Jesus Christ claims - that He can present us faultless before the throne of God, unutterably pure, absolutely rectified and profoundly justified. Stand in implicit adoring faith in Him, He is made unto us "wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption." How can we talk of making a sacrifice for the Son of God! Our salvation is from hell and perdition, and then we talk about making sacrifices!
We have to get out into faith in Jesus Christ continually; not a prayer meeting Jesus Christ, nor a book Jesus Christ, but the New Testament Jesus Christ, Who is God Incarnate, and Who ought to strike us to His feet as dead. Our faith must be in the One from Whom our experience springs. Jesus Christ wants our absolute abandon of devotion to Himself. We never can experience Jesus Christ, nor ever hold Him within the compass of our own hearts, but our faith must be built in strong emphatic confidence in Him.
It is along this line that we see the rugged impatience of the Holy Ghost against unbelief. All our fears are wicked, and we fear because we will not nourish ourselves in our faith. How can any one who is identified with Jesus Christ suffer from doubt or fear! It ought to be an absolute pæan of perfectly irrepressible, triumphant belief.

Never Leave

This is a really good song by Kendall Payne that has really helped me through my darkest hour.

In the midst of my darkest hour
you see my tear-stained face
This broken form that no longer feels power
with no apparent place
But even when this world has turned
her back on me
When it's cold where it once had burned
When my thoughts are frightening

You will never leave me

When I fail at living and loving
when I fail you Lord
I want things that I know very well
I cannot afford
When I feel like I have no purpose
except to live and die
Or all they tell me is that I'm worthless
why even try

(Bridge)I cannot be sure
of my love for you
But in the midst of my doubt...
you are true

Psalm 30:5b Weeping may endure for the night but joy comes in the morning.

Obedience

A really cool lesson that I have been learning is that partial obedience is disobedience. You cannot short change God. He is an all or nothing kind of guy. I recently had a good cry in church (that hasn't happened in a very long time) because I've been so disobedient to God. I have not been giving Him all of my desires. One particular is the desire to be a wife and mother. It has consumed most of my college years and just when I thought I was done yeah I never really laid it in the altar of faith but instead let my stupid girl emotions ruin my life. Thank God for forgiveness.

Purchased

Agorazo is the Greek word for bought, purchased, redeemed. It is especially meaningful to me because it is a constant reminder that I am not my own. I have been bought with a price: the blood of Jesus. For me personally, it has a twofold meaning. First, I am a slave of Christ. So many times in our American culture we get caught up on our rights and freedoms. But if we are truly in Christ then we have no rights, we have no freedom but the freedom that we have in Christ. As a slave, we waive our rights. Secondly, (more personally) it proves the unmistakable love of God. That he loved me so much that He actually bought me with His own blood. I am reminded of the story of Gomer and Hosea where Hosea purchased Gomer (his wife) with everything he owned because she left and became a prostitute. That to me is the perfect picture of what Christ has done on the cross.