Helpfulness

A friend recently taught me this lesson (though he doesn't know he did). While praying and crying one night I wrote these thoughts in a journal about my needing to feel helpful and when does it go too far. What do I do when my help isn't wanted? Do I stand aside or do things the way I want to? Does my instance on helping mean that I am more of a hinderance than a helper? Why do I go so far in that I will do what I want despite the thoughts and feelings of the other person? Do I even consider the feelings of others when I insist on doing things my own way? Do I give others the opportunity to be helpful or do I push them aside? So many times I just jump in and get the job done. I'm used of the "if I don't get it done then it won't get done" mentality because that has been so true in my life. I think I'm too independent and focused on self-sufficiency. I am my own destructive force. I hurt myself more than others so they can't hurt me. By not allowing others to hurt me, I in turn hurt them by keeping them at a distance. My need to keep people at arm's length leaves me lonely and left out. I have to wonder what is the motivation behind my wanting to help others. Is is genuine concern or selfish ambition? I realized that I can't fix myself and so I don't want anyone else to try and fix me. I'm coming to the realization that I am completely helpless. I'm dying a painful death.