Helpless

Every day I go and visit my grandmother in the hospital. Because of the stroke, she is unable to speak. She was the one family member I could just talk to. Almost every morning we would have coffee and just visit. Now, as she is just lying there in that bed, I just want to talk to her. I feel so helpless in this situation. There is nothing I can do to help her. Though I pray multiple times in the day, I still want to physically do something. I figure it is my fallen nature that tells me that in order to "deal" with this I have to "do" something about it. The truth is there is absolutely nothing I can do. The ironic part is all of my friends and church family, who have been so loving and supportive, also want to do something to help me through this. The only thing is that what I need is not something just anyone can do. Because all I really need is just to be held.

Overly concerned

Last Thursday started out as a normal day for me. I took a shower then spent some time in the Word and prayer. Then, I went over to my grandparents' house (which is only a couple of feet from where I live) to have coffee and spend time with them. When I walked through the back door, I saw my grandmother lying on the floor. I immediately went to her to help her. She was conscious but not responsive. She is a diabetic so I thought her blood sugar was low. I went to my grandfather's room (he was still sleeping) and told him about my grandmother. We got her up and took her to her bedroom. He went and got some sugar to give her and I tested her blood. It was 127 which is good so I knew it was not a blood sugar problem. I called her daughters (my mom and aunt) and told them to come to her house immediately. I thought she was having a stroke so I dialed 911. My mom and aunt tried to talk to her but still no response. The emergency team got there and started working. I had to answer lots of questions (mostly the same questions to different people). They got her in the ambulance and took her to the hospital. My grandfather went in the ambulance with her while my mom, aunt, and I followed. Once she got to the hospital they did tests. She did have a stroke that caused a blood vessel to burst resulting in bleeding on the left side of her brain which caused her right side to be paralyzed. She was transferred to Lafayette General to see the neuro-surgeon. He did not operate considering the location of the hemorrhage. She is still in ICU and is slightly improving. I'll update as I know. For those of you who read this please pray for healing for her and comfort for my family. Thanks

Amazed

I was reading in John 17 this morning and this verse just struck me: verse 20 I pray for those who will believe in me (Joslynn's translation). Wow, Jesus was about to be arrested, beaten, mocked, and killed. But, in the midst of all that He prayed for me. It is a humbling thought to know that Jesus was not focused on Himself during this time but all of His followers and friends. What a great example of how we should pray and live our lives.

Great Expectations

I am always amazed at how much God knows me and knows what I need even when I don't know what I need. I recently became a youth intern at my church East Bayou. Now, I am ridiculously scared out of my mind because I know I am going to screw up royally-I always do, its my trade mark. But, I am also really excited because of the awesome people I get to help me clean up the mess I made. I sat in awe in our meeting today at how connected we all were yet our team is relatively new. Court is the incredible support person who is going to always listen to my rants (and there will be many, just ask my anchor group) and gently rebuke me but it won't even seem like a rebuke. Then there is Chris, who will tell everything that went wrong, how it should have gone, and how to fix it. (Every team needs one of these people) And then there is the go to, has all the info, cry on my shoulder person-that would be Justin. And then there me. The one who has all this knowledge yet knows nothing cause she's too stubborn and head strong. And the glue to our team is our fearless leader, Lyndale. He's the whole package-a visionary with the skills and drive to lead and get the job done. He is the essential leader who empowers others and teaches them to be great leaders.
Now, to what I first said. God put me in the midst of these amazing people to teach me and stretch me in incredible ways. I have already learned so much and I just started. I am really excited about the refining process that will take place over the course of this year. And the icing on the cake is the staff. They are so fun. I was around them this morning in the room known as "Sin City" where all kinds of goodies are awaiting our consumption. They were goofing off and laughing and just having a great time. Also, everyday I am gaining a better appreciation and love for my pastor. I am really enjoy him and I am excited about getting to know him better. This promises to be a challenging but great year!

Big Decision

I have made a big decision in my life. I have decided to continue my education by pursuing a Master's Degree in Marriage and Family Counseling. This decision has taken two years and some very interesting turns in my life to be made. Now, the only question is where do I go for this degree. If any one has any suggestions, please let me know. Also, if there is a place that I should avoid like the plague, let me that too.

Do I see what you see (revised)

Recently, a family member of mine called me selfish, inconsiderate, brat, and undependable. Now, I admit that I probably have been and can be all of these things at times, after all I have a sin nature. However, in order to help out this family member, I worked an eight hour day (missed my first day in my "office"), drove three hours, slept four hours then drove another three hours with her offspring so I could take care of the offspring for her. Now, I'm trying really hard not to sound like I'm complaining cause I don't want to complain. I just don't understand. I know I should not care what she says or let it affect me. On one hand people tell me that I am kind and loving. But then she tells me that I am not kind or considerate but that I let everyone down because I refuse to help them out. And they wonder why I question myself. Well, here's why! The person who should know me best says these things about me. Its no wonder I'm confused and hard on myself. Don't misunderstand this to be putting her down, that is not my intention. She had every right to call me those things because she believes them to be true because I chose a commitment over her need. So, my thought is this: do I believe the person who tells me I have a good heart and care about people or do I believe a family member who tells me I have my priorities messed up and I am selfish? For those of you who know me, please clue me in.

Thought for the day

John 14:15
"If you love Me, you will keep my commandments."
Love equals obedience. If I love someone, I will do what he/she asks of me. If I love God I will do what He tells me. Yet, so many times I do not do what He tells me. Why is this simple truth so hard to grasp and use in practical life?

Personal Revival Day 4

This day really hit me because it is so true of me so many times. Here is what the authors say: "God wants us to love Him first and foremost. When we find ourselves trusting in people instead of the Lord, this indicates that our heart's focus has shifted from Him (Jer 17:5). Love for people- friends, family members, or even ourselves-can compete with our love for Him (Matt 10:37). Other substitutes for a God-centered love relationship may include money, pleasure, friends, work, ritual in worship, the teaching of respected leaders, or Bible knowledge without a relationship with Christ. Revival does not begin when a struggling, wayward person decides to return to the Lord but rather when the loving heavenly Father, wanting His people to enjoy the safety and security of His love, calls him or her back to Himself. God is the initiator; the call to revival ia a plea of love from the heart of God."
Have you transferred your love for God to some other place? What are some things that may compete with your love for Him?

Personal Revival Day 3

Parents who really love their children will discipline them if needed. God loves us so much more than parents can so He must also discipline us. Hosea 11 & 14 describe the process Israel had to endure in order to return to God. In my own life, God had to (and is continuing to do) discipline me and strip me down until there is nothing left of me. Then He comes and fills me with Himself. I have to admit that it is painful and hard but it is good at the same time. Does God need to bring you through the refining process in order to reveal Himself more through you?

Personal Revival Day 2

For those who are familiar with clay, you know it is very hard to till, especially here in Louisiana. Our hearts can become like hard ground, where nothing affects us anymore. Hosea warned us that we must break our hard hearts and return to God. (Hosea 10:12-13) So the question is "What do you think it means to break up your fallow ground?"

Personal Revival day 1

I used to think that I was a good person. Then I read this book/study. I never thought I needed revival because I knew alot about the Bible, Jesus, and faith. Wow! After reading and studying, I got a major wake-up call. I realized how wicked my heart truly is. This passage really showed me that I do need revival in my life and not just when a crusade comes but everyday I wake up.

Will you not revive us again,

that your people may rejoice in You?

Show us Your steadfast love, O Lord,

and grant us your salvation.

Let me hear what God the Lord will speak,

for HE will speak peace to His people, to His saints,

but let them not turn back to folly.

Surely His salvation is near to those who fear Him,

that glory may dwell in our land. (Psalm 85:6-9)

So the question is who needs revival?

Seeking Him

My Anchor (Bible Study) group decided we would study a book entitled Seeking Him by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Tim Grissom. I thought this would be a great blog opprtunity. So, everyday I will share my personal thoughts on the study and post a question I hope everyone who reads these blogs will answer (especially former group members...hint, hint, hint). Therefore, I humbly ask if you by chance read these blogs, please enlightenen me with your wisdom and knowledge concerning the questions by commenting on them.

Oh the lies...

A friend told me that I had trouble believing lies. I had no idea how right he was until I read Lies Women Believe. This book is packed full of wisdom and truth. Here are some of the major points that really impacted me:
"The Truth is God is far more interested in our holiness than our immediate, temporal happiness...
True joy is not the absence of pain but the sanctifying, sustaining presence of the Lord Jesus in the midst of pain.
if we are not content within our present circumstances, we are not likely to be happy in any other set of circumstances
our circumstances do not makes us what we are. They merely reveal what we are.
Long before you were born, every molecule of your body and every day of your life from conception to the grave was carefully thought through and planned by God
We don't have to let our feelings run our lives
The primary purpose of marriage is not to be happy but to glorify God and reflect His redeeming covenant love
contentment is not found in having everything we think we want but in choosing to be satisfied with what God has already provided
That independent self-sufficient spirit is an expression of pride
The way to see the Truth about sin is to see it in the light of who God is
We must learn to accept those longings, surrender them to God, and look to Him to meet the deepest needs of our hearts
the deepest longings of our hearts cannot be filled by any created person or thing
the outward appearance of the Christian woman is to reflect a heart that is simple, pure, and well-ordered
What is condemned...Tending to physical matters while neglecting matters of the heart
we do not hate ourselves, nor do we need to learn to love ourselves. We need to learn to deny ourselves... We do not have low self-esteem rather a low view of God
Some of us have lived all our lives in an emotional prison because we have accepted what a false "broken"mirror said to us about ourselves
do we truly believe God is enough or are we looking to other things and people to fill the empty places of our hearts
we trust what we feel to be true rather than what we know to be true
beliefs produce behavior
what we read or hear may sound right, may feel right, may seem right-but if it is contrary to the Word of God, it is not right"

This book was like a slap in the face. I needed to hear it but it was painful. I realized so many lies I believed and that I knew the truth, I just chose to believe the lie. I encourage all women to read this book. It is so good and deep. I know God really opened my eyes and my heart and I'll never be the same. My entire thought process about my emotions, self-image, and views of marriage are radically changed.