Letting go

This post might be long so bear with me...
Six months ago, I started a hard journey. I had to let go of something that I loved very much. I did not want to let it go but circumstances would not allow me to keep it. However, I never truly let it go. I kept holding onto it and keeping it near me. I tried letting go but I never could. You could say I had my very first broken heart. I was mourning this thing I needed to let go of. The thing was certain relationships that I had worked to build for almost two years. Though I desperately wanted to keep relationships and continue to build them, I had to end them. It was the hardest and saddest time of my life. I have had hardships and disappointments in life; but nothing compared to this. All of my focus and energy was in mourning these lost relationships. During this time of brokenness in my life, Jesus reached down and showed me that I was being selfish. Instead of looking for other relationships to build and serve, I was consumed with the ones I lost. During a Wednesday night service at my church, the pastor called for a prayer of repentance before the Lord's supper. It was during this time that God showed me who He wanted me to invest in and serve. I have started a Small group with the women He showed me. We are going through a Bible study entitled Seeking Him. It is about personal revival in your life. This week is about honesty. In order to have fellowship with God and others, you have to be honest about your self and your sin. Last night, the pastor talked repentance. I know I need to be honest with myself and God about my disobedience of not letting go and holding on to what was never really mine in the first place. I know I need to realize and confess my sin and change. Without change, repentance never truly takes place. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is telling me to let go. Let go of the pain, let go of the what could have been, let go of the relationships I lost and truly embrace the ones in my life now. I know it won't be easy. I have to fight the tendency to be mechanical in my relationships and the ministry God has allowed me to be a part of. It is very easy for me to go through the motions with no feeling or passion for what I am doing. What is worse is that most people never realize that I'm just going through the motions. They think I'm some great servant who just loves to minister to others. While I love serving people, I can get lost in the service and forget why I am serving in the first place. So by God's grace and mercy, I am starting a new journey. The journey of letting go of what I want and embracing what God wants.